Got into a college!! Horrah!+photo insp.

California college of the arts to be exact! not sure if i'll go there, i'm still waiting on MICA, SVA, and SCAD. But still i'm freakin' excited!!! I heard on sunday by EMAIL!? isn't that crazy? Most definitely. anywa here's a mini update and some photos.

I have short hair now, it's not like the women featured but it's short either way, it's not a hair style I've ever really had, but after graduation I plan on dyeing my hair blond, almost pale white, then a strawberry blond later in the summer. Maybe shorter hair too. Who knows i'm just glad i got into a college!
                                            (http://www.hanneli.com/, marieclaire january, sartorialist)

Reaching.

I feel i've reached a point in my life where nothing is feared and everything lays at the bottom of my belly. My dreams to be a sculptor maybe character designer don't seem so far- I actually don't know what i want to be, the only thing i'm sure of is the clay is at my fingers waiting,  words waiting, being dissected to bestow the pages or the camera to cast light on what i want, while it all shall be molded to be mine. The unknown isn't the bedridden beast i thought it could be. In fact i feel this sudden urge to take out my camera tomorrow and shoot something. I've got farmland to shoot so why not..hmm I'd prefer people though, oh well.  

photos top to bottom(Gary Graham spring collection, the Cobra snake, BCBG Max Azria, spanish moss blog, ny times, Bibhu Mohapatra fall collection, clip from JAY Z's video.

John Donne is my favorite poet if he didn't die early i'm sure he'd surpass Shakespeare, my favorite is A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning.

Words sort of like poetry

PASSION LOST
There are some days where i feel out of sorts like the bridge-

Out of gaps swallowing my own beholding beings.
These are just words I spit from my subconscious,
wait I've held on too long I'm losing this thing inside.
I've lost it, this feeling that takes over whenever I want to feel alive.
I swore the day i felt it, I'd never lose it, but i have and life never felt so bleak.
Tears streamed down my cheeks filling in the cracks and it filled some more when it
met the floor. All I wanted was the burning sensation of life it fill my lungs
and keep my lips locked as my hands did the magic. All I wanted was to
have and to hold people who could express the aimless
feelings that would at any moment be focused and create this unimaginable thought. To express
my only desire in life, to create my only desire.
But when i stand on the rainy streets of this small town it's sucked out.
Out as though the lights inside were grants that last spark to only fade into
a blur. Of the dying who sit and wait, to those who think they are undying
i only wish up above the world so high i could gain what was mine and feel aLIVE.
God i need it.

Pardon the rambles it all means something, just combusted into one/this.

new hair. both sides shaved

I said i'd do it and i did. A new hair, and new beginnings. A week or so ago Emma Watson did a new hair do as her way of "freaking out" after having that long hair for years "it's the most liberating thing ever." as she puts it. 
I shouldn't have really cared except a week before her i had done the exact same thing as her. When i saw her hair i was a bit apprehensive and then thought "Fuck i just had a dramatic haircut done! GO Emma!" For a good month i'll admit i swooned over my long hair and practically obsessed over it's luxurious length and other things that make hair wonderful. But well not to delve into any more then to say I had a life changing Epiphany!
why in god's name do i want to look like every long haired girl?? I've always been the girl who is nice and quiet with not so much as a bone to pick with anyone. But I looked so normal, with a lack of confidence, but after that epiphany i was calm, comfortable and confident. Why just today when i walked through a mall,  and saw a mirror, i couldn't help but GUSH over how beautiful i felt in this hair.

                  So the moral is Different is good and it takes a life changing(or maybe something tiny)        thing to happen for one to realize this, you can't force it out.
Being true to you is helpful too.
                          I don't think these words would have meant much to me if this didn't happen.

IT'S offical

I'm going to get a mohawk, don't care if i'm not the type for working a mohawk
i feel like being different is the thing to be right now in my life.
Now: the moment that lasts a second and keeps striding through the rest.
Confidence is all i need to embrace such a bold change in me.
I'm not edgy but i'm tired of looking like the quiet nice girl.
I want things to be loud without the use of words.
Art is like that, it etches out your own self being without your own self realization
It's the long lines of a gesture drawing that shares your clarity, it's beautiful and simple.
So why not stand out?
different is better,  
" but i feel alive and i feel it in me
up and up i keep on climbing
higher and higher and higher
........................................
oh have you ever felt so goddamn strong
how come it takes some people so damn long"
passion pit-little secrets 




PS: why does it?

Fun in Pool

Photos Taken by Sister

creature of the Sea

Shirt: American Apparel fringe top(doesn't appear they have it on website 0.o)
Rings belong to Nana and a Aunt

Faced with no one home, a cloudy day and the boredom of a saturday brought on a photo session with my sister and I. I'm actually happy with the shots she took of me. Losing 8 pounds certainly makes you not seem as fat :P

take me a away

Pounds+Inspiration=photos

I've lost 8 pounds it makes me happy to know that it's so easy to do and once I've reached my goal I can get a wardrobe that suits me. Life is beautiful but the strife isn't. I've lacked the sort of energy I use to have as a 10 year old. I'd spend days on end making sculptures not letting the sun or moon defer me from my dreams that came to life within hours. As years went by I learned the anatomy of animals and humans loving every detail that shone through. I'd watch the people walking by studying which muscle stuck out and which should be. This was similar to how when I was really little watching animal documentaries all day long, never truly paying attention to the facts just the movement and ways of the beast. I thought it was odd but it's become a necessity to my path of sculpting. Although now I've become a perfectionist and letting the idea and obsession take over instead of overall fun of it all. I'm going to let myself go, like the artists at SOFA who to me express the meaning of letting your self go, even if it isn't true I like to pretend it is. An artist I think comes to realize that the path they always take is the one that needs to be challenged and changed if it causes such strife, as it's beginning to do to me.  Hope this ends it's been a year and all I can do is start. stop start. stop. start. the end won't come fast enough but I'm itching to sculpt a dogs paw it's intriguing to see the paw bare with muscle to show off. It's...I can't describe it but I want to do it so bad.

Maybe it's the thinness or the uncanny bones. this brings me bliss in the most unreal way. odd, huh?

Preggo dog

You may not know this about me but I help a woman out who cares for dogs in her house. She does a great deal of work to make sure they get good homes. So onward! This Saturday night she's getting a mother and 7 puppies!!!!! If it wasn't for this woman they'd be put to death, for no good reason. I'm glad they'll be saved.

I can';t wait their all but 2 weeks old!! How exciting! I'll keep myself posted. So expect more photos soon! Plus spring break is coming so free time is all I have!

She looks like such a happy dog, I can't wait to meet her!

It's the outfit

Imagine your walking down the stairs to a carpeted basement, you turn left but your focus is on one thing! I need some books on anatomy(I love it so much) your eyes avoid the tv and couches. Averting your attention to the left you notice the art area light is on. When you look down you see this...

My lovely sister has a craze for rainbows because after having to wear glasses she misses seeing through clear eyes. So when she puts on her big girl pants and her sleek glasses she enjoys it so much that a person who doesn't have to wear glasses, can't appreciate the awesomeness of clear vision. It's her work in progress but I figured this was like capturing a moment that left me speechless and begging to be photograph from the angle I saw it from.
I can't wait for her to wear this cooky thing. :)